He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
