How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
