ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
