what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
