Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
