Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
