you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
