so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
