it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
