Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Welp...herpes.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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