his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
