We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
