I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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