I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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