I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
