people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
