she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
