just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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