can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
