i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
