I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
