So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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