we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
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She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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