I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
