Have you finally orgasmed yet?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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