ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I wish there were birth control emojis
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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