OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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