anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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