literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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