well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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