My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
