She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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