i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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