Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
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My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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