my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
