I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
