Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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