they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
wow bdsm is so cute
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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