I just made out with a guy for $7.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
