Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
