I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
