isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
