I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
