I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
