Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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