I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
