My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
