did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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