I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
