i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
3 2 1 whiskey
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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