if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
