Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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