Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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