I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
