If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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