My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
