im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
