well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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