1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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