yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
