he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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