everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
