Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
