Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
