Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
