i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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