I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
