sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
