Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
