Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
